my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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