But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
