The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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