i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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