The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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