did you get engaged???
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
