My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
