Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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