you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
