wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i came on her dog
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
