I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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