Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
