now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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