R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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