i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
