I'm pants shitting drunk right now
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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