He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
