Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
