My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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