I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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