If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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