i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
