i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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