its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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