I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize