I just threw up on my dentist
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
