Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
