I bet he comes in French.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
