Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i dont even know how to be here
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
