it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
