She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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