i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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