At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
