Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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