I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
