i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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