I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
