i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
