Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
