peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
