whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
