I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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