he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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