Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
