the condom got lost in my hair
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
