I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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