i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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