Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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