i don't like sucking hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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