Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In theory, it seemed like it would work.