Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?