good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.