their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
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so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome