I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We left an ass print on the piano.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
