Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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