So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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