Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
