I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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