Tell her she can't have a vagina
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
