i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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