When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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