Im at strip club and am horny
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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