living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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