I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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