CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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